Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
