I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
