so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
