Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
