Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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