It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
