I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
