Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
