My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
