Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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