why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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