I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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