Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
