sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
