Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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