Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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