But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
