Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
