Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
