I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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