you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
