If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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