I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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