Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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