i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
