Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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