I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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