I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
