VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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