Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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