She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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