life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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