Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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