I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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