wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
