My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize