I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
