Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
