He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
