What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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