Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
