in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
