then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Acid is not a monday night drug
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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