Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
