So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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