So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
