just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
