A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
