bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
