I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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