I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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