oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
