but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
