if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't notice because vodka
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
