You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
