I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
