I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
