Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
