If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
