Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
