Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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