why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
