I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
