Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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