we have pet lesbian snakes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
