Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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