Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
