Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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