ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
