she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do herpes really smell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
