If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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