I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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