u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Welp...herpes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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