You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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