take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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