I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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