I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
