My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
