I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
