you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
