Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
