I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
