You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
