goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
